God's Healthcare Plan

In retaliation against Obama-care, Pastor Steven Anderson comes to the rescue as our insurance agent for God's Healthcare Plan. This is a free plan, assures the good pastor, requiring payments for doctor visits only: "It's not an HMO. It's not even a PPO. It's not even a health savings account. This is God's Healthcare Plan, which will do you better than all those things combined."

What is this biblically-based healthcare plan? In his sermon Anderson outlines it as follows:

1. Physician qualifications. The only doctors on the "approved" list in God's Healthcare Plan are those who believe in God. Meaning these physicians believe they are treating human beings made in the image of God, and not animals. "I am not a mammal," booms Anderson. "I'm not an evolved ape or an orangutan. Doctors who believe that human beings are part of the animal kingdom should give up their license and become veterinarians."

2. "Not for the healthy." God's Healthcare Plan covers visits to the doctor only when you're sick, per Mt 9:12/Lk 5:31. "I'm not going to lie to you about what this plan covers. It doesn't cover visits to the doctor when you're well. The only time you need the doctor, according to the Bible, is when you're sick. You don't need well-baby visits, routine check-ups, or physicals."

3. No vaccinations. God's Healthcare Plan does not cover any vaccinations. "God said not to touch anything unclean," insists Anderson. "He said that any kind of waste product, any kind of feces, should never be touched. Injecting germs into your bloodstream, and aborted fetuses, and feces -- that's not covered under God's plan."

4. Preexisting conditions. In contrast to Obama-care, there are certain preexisting conditions that will exclude you from God's Healthcare Plan.

(a) Sodomy. "Homosexuals, sodomites, perverts, queers, and transvestites are excluded from God's Healthcare Plan. They would be too much drain on the system because of all the horrible health problems that come with homosexuality. We shouldn't have to pay for that, and so in God's Healthcare Plan they're not included." Sodomites receive in themselves that "recompense of their error which was meet" (Rom 1:27), which means they're getting exactly what's coming to them in their body for what they do. "Sodomite reprobates are rejected from the plan, rejected God's coverage."

(b) Promiscuity. According to Prov 5:8-11, fornicating with harlots will result in your "flesh and body being consumed", thereby excluding you from God's Healthcare Plan.

5. The healing power of the Word. Prov 4:20-22 explains that God's word can bring health to your flesh, if you follow the advice found in God's word. Prov 3:7-8 makes a similar point: following God's word will bring health to your body.

6. More red tape. Under God's Healthcare Plan there is an additional step besides referrals. Before you even go to the general practitioner who will send you to a specialist, you need to pray to God to ask for help. II Chron 16:12 shows that Asa had a disease in his feet, got worse, and died. The reason for this, according to the text, is that he went to the physicians right away, before praying to God. "You shouldn't even take an aspirin without praying to God first," declares Anderson. The red tape of prayer cannot be cut through.

7. No fertility treatments. Fertility treatments and birth control are totally excluded from God's Healthcare Plan. Birth control pills involve silent abortions for one, and it is God who decides when to open the womb in any case.

8. No male gynecologists. Male gynecologists are excluded from the list of "approved" doctors in God's Healthcare Plan. The Bible says it's a sin for a woman to be naked before a man who is not her husband. "God's plan requires medical examinations to be done with decency and propriety."

9. Preventive Maintenance. The Bible has many "advisements" aimed at preventing illness.

(a) "An apple a day." God's Healthcare Plan encourages good nutrition so that you won't need the doctor. God-given food -- fruits, vegetables, grain, and meat, i.e. food mentioned in the Bible -- and not man-made/junk food -- corn syrup, alcohol, tofu, soda, and twinkies. (See further Anderson's List of Foods that will Help or Harm in Memorizing the Bible.)

(b) "Draw out the breast and give suck to your young." According to Lam 4:3, even the sea monsters (giant whales) give suck to their young ones, unlike the ostrich in the wilderness (cf. Job 39:13-14) which is hardened against her children, burying them in the dirt and forgetting about them. Like the sea monsters, mothers should stay at home and feed their babies from their own body, and not be like ostriches who let nannies dispense inferior formula. (cf. I Pet 2:2)

So there it is. I don't know about the rest of you, but I stand in awe of the wisdom coming out of Arizona these days...